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2010-01-31T13:53:00.001+08:00

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Green Day - 21st Century Breakdown

2009-05-02T03:54:00.001+08:00

2007-08-16T11:51:00.001+08:00

2007-08-07T17:15:00.001+08:00

oh hello its been a while since anything significant was said - amount of entries have lacked in frequency due to overwhelming schedule. it's been a stomachache.

updates:
- soon, soon, we'll be happier and it'll be more than ok
- print is over, have moved back into former production group. oh joyful, joyful
- we played with plasticine today, singing national day songs. uh, and old mariah carey

top (from left) - Cherriann "The Altar" Wong, Darryn "Cursemaster" Lim, NurDiana "Diva" Kamal, Amelia "The Editor" Lee, Jason "Boboi" Haw
bottom (from left) - Dawn "Pomegranate" Lo, Jazreel "Gigi" Teo, Mawar "PongPong" Hassan and yours truly ...The Godbedah

tetek goreng is abandoned, bapak kau is not so gila anymore and it looks like our mother has taught us stuff. AAAAAAACKCHERLIE it wasn't so bad and we were elected to lead. Not to read. Spiderpig went away to do his own stuff, the stuff spiderpig does.

- HEYLOOO DAWN. WHY YOU LOOKING AT ME BLOGGING.
"I'm bored," she whines
"I don't whine I just said I'm bored"

ok random.
Her ringtone says "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. So from my personal point of view, get another girl to marry you,"

- am not going to be working soon.
oh boo, i wish i didn't have to leave
anyone looking for a part time job in the North East area?

- i feel the end is near.
did you know I cry to "Home"? A' ah, that National Day song.

2007-08-02T08:55:00.000+08:00

this is nuraini.
she is my friend.

i do not get to see nuraini often. she studies across the causeway and only make occasional visits home. even then, her arrival usually comes unannounced and my other friends and i would scurry to make plans to meet her.

nuraini was always quite the romantic. the above image fits well into the many picturesque daydreams she used to speak of (mind the muddy beach though. huhu.) nuraini had a lot to speak about, actually. but then again all Milah's have a becok nature imbibed in them.

we called her by a variety of names. she wanted to be called poket ajaib (magic pockets ala Doraemon) and Abang Gincu called her Paini. I was jealous. once the Milahtant movement started picking up speed, she jumped aboard the bandwagon as Srikandi Pedas.

nuwai and i, along with a few others, used to go for tutoring at kembangan. we would travel from tampines to kembangan in our ill fitting uniforms and walk along naked drains littered with nothing but specks of green. she used to wear this huge grey bag, with her long ponytail swishing as she bonded along school. nuwai used to have a cat too. her name was molly.

the last time we met, she greeted me with a sleazy kiss on the cheek, floating around the house like she was walking on air. she spoke animatedly the way she does, manja voice like a sleepy kitten and her slender hands flapping in the air. her eyes were glazed over though and never truly met mine the way i remembered them to. i asked her if she was high.

aiyah but no lah, silly me. she wasnt high, she was just..uh. married.

2007-07-25T09:34:00.000+08:00

am currently unable to differentiate between feeling placid, peaceful, absolutely fine and feeling violently overwhelmed.
---

nak kata opocot tak sengaja pon.. bukan tak sengaja. walaupun sesungguh-sungguhnya aku tak mahu pandang belakang aku terpandang belakang jugak. Aiseh bedah, bunuh diri sudah.

2007-07-23T10:43:00.001+08:00

There's a mass without roofs. There's a prison to fill. There's a countrys soul that reads post no bills. There's a strike and a line of cops outside of tha mill. There's a right to obey. And a right to kill. - RATM, calm like a bomb

2007-07-18T13:59:00.000+08:00

So last night my phone rang, and I heard Justin start to talk. no Hi, no Hello...he just went straight to saying..

Ain't another woman that can take your spot my-
ah, ape kau nak?
If I wrote you a symphony,
ish buat ape seh.
Just to say how much you mean to me
just say la no need stylo milo
If I told you you were beautiful
ah bedek
Would you date me on the regular
can ah sometimes
Well, baby I've been around the world
penipu haram seh kau
But I ain't seen myself another girl
kau buta pe
This ring here represents my heart
wah ur heart so small. so shiny
But there's just one thing I need from you
i know la what u want. cannot.
Yeah, because I can see us holding hands
wah berangan?
Walking on the beach, our toes in the sand
i wear sandals k
I can see us on the countryside
kampung eh
Sitting on the grass, laying side by side
hey girl cannot touch boy
You could be my baby, let me make you my lady
you want to give birth to me kia?
Girl, you amaze me
tu pasal kau buang tebiat
Ain't gotta do nothing crazy
see? buang tebiat.
See, all I want you to do is be my love
masuk minang ah ape lagi.

ah cakap pasal kawin teros dia diam. dasar jantan keparat.

2007-07-17T18:08:00.001+08:00

am staying back because my shit is 2 weeks overdue
taking a minute (or two) for a break to not, uh, kill myself -
before i get on with the rest of my knuckle cracking

cannot go toilet yo. pintu dah kunci.
----------
update!!!

its 7:41pm and Kakak Bedah nak ajar korang sikit eh - come i teach you, if log on Friendster in school please remember eh, log out or else

don't blame me loh, its too funny to ignore. he must sat, ok. dengar tu, make space bagik dia duduk. at least im kind enough to cover the face. im not too worried about karma. brarh.

2007-07-17T10:11:00.000+08:00

- Killer Gerbil and Alfian Sa'at within 20 minutes of each other on TV Mobile on the way to work yesterday

- Wicked Aura performing at Youth Park tmr 9 pm

- Force Vomit 27 July

- mmmmbayyhhhbeaaatttssssss

- 7 Pound Vein looking for drummer

and i want my red bean pao.
oh, just FYI? I'm two weeks past deadline.
rock or whaaaaaaaaaat

2007-07-13T13:45:00.000+08:00

no, really - i'm seething in anger
teeth-grinding, tongue biting fist throwing furious

im not sure if its me being bitter that i have a social life equivalent to a spastic caterpillar -
that i hardly get to see my mother around
that the routine gets so tedious - and tiring
(and if rest is what i need then why cant i go to sleep?)
that everyday aku keluar rumah aku rasa macam pengemis
that however hard i try nothing seems to get done

the irony of it is if i turn around, take a few steps back i'd get caught in a silent crossfire of blame and finger pointing

DO YOU ALL KNOW WHAT YOU'VE BEEN SAYING ABOUT EACH OTHER?
tergamak eh korang

boleh diam, just diam and buat kerja tak
---------------

we were having rehearsals once and I recall the juniors running amok because, well, they were 14 and we all reeked of that salty sweaty rusty stench anyway.

Juwanda couldn't get them to calm down, and we (the none the wiser seniors) couldn't concentrate on our lines. I cant really recall whatever it was that was so bloody funny.

He yelled. You've seen that painting, the one called The Scream? Yeah that was what he looked like, except that instead of having his hand on his cheek

he had one hand slapping his shiny botak head (reminiscent of Bani Haykal but i digress)

"You might not want to do this, you think it's all yeay hooray bloody games. But this is my ricebowl you understand, you dont mess with it. You better bloody respect it."

We shut up afterwards and staged a rather shaky production of Twelfth Night.
But Juwanda, man, wherever you are -
i feel you, yo.

2007-07-13T13:22:00.000+08:00

you wont like it
but you have to admit -
Dumbledore's got style

2007-07-10T18:19:00.001+08:00

sigh.

2007-07-02T09:43:00.000+08:00

nine forty-four, bag of $1.80 chipsmore, a litre tetra pack of marigold apple cranberry

the room is taking a break to google ourselves, and found some far off namesakes, old blogs and 'in loving memory of'

im sneaking 3 seconds to update, just because

-----

most of the classmates greeted me with "eh khai i thought you going for holiday?" wah thanks for reminding me eh -

*shuffles around the papers and mounds of magazine tearings on the table*

somebody tell me exactly when it was that i grew up and suddenly became responsible?

ah? excuse me?

-----

random panic attacks in this room is followed by battle cries.

"CONTROL+Z, CONTROL+Z, CONTROL+Z!!!!!"

2007-06-25T09:52:00.000+08:00

Article 19
Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.

---------

i was writing a long nostalgic post before i got interrupted - and it went poof.
that agitates me.

2007-06-22T11:02:00.000+08:00

i was going over some points for the stopover report in my head (its due in two months, but i like talking to myself) - and I was going to say that I'm a quick learner, i catch on to tasks really fast.

which is a subtle way of saying that i'm impatient...
which, in truth, is a really nice way of saying that I'm a lazy fat babi pig.

2007-06-15T16:42:00.000+08:00

hello - did you know

1) that Scott Caan of Ocean's 13 is played by the son of the guy that played Sonny Corleone in The Godfather, the same movie that made Al Pacino's name.

2)

3) the trees from Shrek 3 are not spoofs of Lord of the Rings. It's off Monty Python. like, duh?

4) that I lost my Godfather DVD's and it turns up in Bo3's room three weeks later. fishy smelling, innit.

5) i've been contemplating quitting work, especially after an emergency leave i took on tuesday (will elaborate on that soon - the occasion calls for a dedicated entry). But I realise that i was just being silly, I am more than syukur to have the job. I just wish that I'd be able to learn to focus more.

6) i dont really want to talk to you anymore, mud. can you like, either exist or go away?

7) or you either, for that matter.

8) jangan bangga sangat mentang-mentang kau dalam jurusan ini eh. pandang balik kalau ape yang masuk dalam otak kau tu berguna ke tidak dulu. melagak dan menunjuk takkan bawa kau kemana-mana. akibatnya, kau bergaya tapi tak berguna.nak mintak kene ludah kepe?

9) prison break season 3, august 27th. whoohoo or what.

10) haha yu ran is broke and angry. amusing, much?

11) my lecturer doesnt believe that i have back problems. she thinks that im trying to cheat my way out of NAPFA test. bodoh peh perempuan. she has no idea how much i wish i was lying.

12) General Electric's Consumer Finance Co. in Tokyo, Japan are offering lower mortgage interest rates to customers that have better paper qualifications - classifying them as more 'intelligent customers' and are therefore less likely to become insolvent and default their loans.

Classic case of make the rich richer and the poor poorer innit. Damn Jepuns, tu pasal the most tua people in the world come from there. 111 year old engineer Tomoji Tanabe and 114 year old Yone Minagawa.

13)Salman Rushdie being knighted by the Queen is causing quite a ruckus. Merepek ah manusia.

2007-06-12T09:30:00.000+08:00

we had del mar. gigantic pictures ripped from lemanku sayang.

we had satay. photos stolen from rao.

and we had a chance meeting at starbucks and senior/junior gossip.
photos stolen from nisa.

and i got a shocking phonecall this morning.
-rolls up sleeves-
nuraini bte mhd rafik...jaga kau.

backstab!

2007-06-06T14:06:00.000+08:00

its almost 4pm, and i have officially not done anything productive throughout the whole day except for the above image. its like mindless doodling has evolved with technology, and my mighty pencil is substituted by the mouse. the notepad with photoshop.
---
jessica came into the office the other day with rainbow cornrows, compliments of her weekend getaway and started going 'uga-chaka' with Simin's wushu galah thing. i like it.

i recall being banned (god i hate that word) from wearing ankle socks to school because such a brazen act is only the evil-doing of satan worshippers, it demeans the image of the school. four years later and no longer a student of that institution, i just throw away the idea of socks altogether and it has made zero impact in my life.

i want to learn, so teach me. silly rules and regulations being treated with disregard means no manner of disrespect, just means that i know grades do not define me as a person. not here anyway.

2007-06-05T09:50:00.000+08:00

im having pringles and ribena alone in the office listening to Jaclyn Victor telling me to take her quick quick, tie her tight tight. look at her precise precise, sit close close no need shy shy.

hwahwaha. then i giggle sorang sorang.

i feel a whole load more chillaxed now that the production stop-over for the in-house attachment is almost over. the team planned out to squeeze in all the left over filming and re-shoots last week and now that that's done with we have the next few days to spread out all the editing and final cuts that need to get done.

i still want to kill myself looking at the screen because it gets frustrating that i'm dumbstruck and brainless when it comes to handling the equipment and software. but i wont ramble on complaining because i do that enough already. i'll just plow through head first, get these next 4 months over and done with.

1) juggling school and work isn't that big a headache, even though i tend to make it sound like such a major nightmare. i have no semblance of a social life, sure. but i realise i'm stuck-ded with having to learn how to prioritise and its not so bad. it's fulfilling, in fact, to only be surrounded by things and people that really matter.

2) speaking of work the June holidays and a Kid's Card promotion have brought about a sudden influx of children into the store. i made an attempt to salvage the chaos but it seems there is no stopping them.

Punggol's Little Helper

3) i have no phone. repeat, NO PHONE. the sony ericsson died-ded in my brother's hands and when i started using the N3310 that Siva sold to me three years ago i thought it was a miracle that it was still working. Alas, two weeks later it met it's demise. I would've gotten myself a new one but i decided to get Ibu a new phone for Mother's Day. Now stop pestering me! You will be summoned when your presence is requested. Or if i miss you. -glares at Khaliq-

4) Dhaniah asked me why i sound stressed out when i babble in my entries, and i was thinking to myself - no, i'm not really. or else i shouldnt be. because i keep telling people to suck it up, life's like that. ok lor, now i shut up and start sucking. wargh life sucks. WHICH leads me to....

5) life doesnt suck so much when i look forward to getting a break. found this in my inbox the other day.

6) i had an entire day free last saturday, which hasnt happened in approximately four months. intended to spend the day with Ibu but i ended up running around Orchard Road getting Sistic Aisyah's balloons, bowling (albeit really pathetically), squeezing in 15 minutes just to see Khaliq and Ajis for a while at Wheelock before Beans and Leman came down from getting THREADING (will elaborate with pictures soon enough) and somehow at the end of the night i found myself fluffing sand off my butt at Cafe Del Mar with one hand and flicking an obscenely overpriced Pall Mall cigarette in the other.

7) anyone?

teammates are back from breakfast, so i'll fiddle around with stuff for an a few minutes before i empty this jumbo can of pringles by myself.

oh ok oops. finished it liao.

2007-06-01T11:24:00.000+08:00

be wary of what you chase - because whether you like it or not mass media is your new religion.

big brother is ~~watching~~fucking you over.

2007-05-30T11:04:00.001+08:00

i'm just done with reading The Godfather and now i'm barren. the past week was spent watching the Corleone saga over and over (ok, so i saw a trilogy and enjoyed it immensely, to a certain kind of addiction. i'm a hypocrite lalalala)

a conversation about the book/movie at Kaki 5 with Faseha and Wahyu led to some interesting updates on malaysian horror movies. i was going to go read up more about them but i havent had time til breakfast this morning with Baby -

today i learnt media marketing ~~tricks~~ethics. there's a difference between 'inspired by' and 'based on'.

-eyes start to shift-
i want to talk more! i have a lot to say! but no i have teammates grabbing my hair and my Geesux teddy bear forcing me to go up to library to film some piano banging. Now Jason insists on listening to "How Do I Live" and Dawn has resorted to dying on the plush chair and Amelia is dragging me with one hand clicking on Friendster on the other.

:(

2007-05-24T13:54:00.000+08:00

go ahead, sing with your eyes closed.
then you wont perasan i have my ears clamped tight.

2007-05-24T10:50:00.001+08:00

ok here comes the mindblock.
im a greedy pig on two computer terminals right now, with the project left abandoned on my left while i tinker with blogger (talking to myself) on my right.

im a machine running low on oil. or perhaps one of those environmentally friendly battery charged mini car thingies. i cant really put a finger on why i'm getting so dried up - its really frustrating. whatever i am angry at is playing hide and seek with me.

so far this week i learnt that
1) heroin abusers do not menstruate for years on end. on average, it takes a minimum of 3 months for the cycle to return once the addict has heroin out of her system.

2) the term supermodel was only unofficially/officially coined with the rise of the Famous Five or something. Uh, yah. Or something.

3) NING BAIZURA HAS BEEN CASTED IN YASMIN AHMAD'S UPCOMING "MUALLAF". this information tingles me the same way it felt when i had my first taste of Ben and Jerry's.
----

but seriously, i'm praying for a blizzard. a monsoon. a tsunami or something to flood my draught.

2007-05-21T17:27:00.001+08:00

ayuh semua teman-teman,
yok jom bunuh diri?

2007-05-14T00:57:00.000+08:00

blogger is the sucks! its nots works.
----

i dont think i'll be able to ever express it enough -
i love you Raihan Adibah.
weewee or no weewee (:
---
do me a favour and do up these two thingies -

Johari
and Nohari

because im curious like that you know you want to. ngarrharrrharrr.

2007-05-13T01:40:00.000+08:00

hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle the cow jumped over the moon. the little doggy laughed to see such a sport, and bapak kau ran away with a spoon.

it's been nasty trying to update because technology hates me.
my phone has nazak and died of phone leukimia. i would credit my faithful flippy thingy to be the first phone i own to not get lost but to die a natural death.

so
1) the people who credit Jangan Pandang Belakang to be the scariest malay movie ever made should jolok themselves with a galah because they obviously havent seen anything from the glory days of Jalan Ampas. Honestly, has anyone seen "Sumpah Orang Minyak" (curse of the black man. hehehe. sounds funny here but you wait till you pee in your pants.).."Kafir"..."Murtad"

or anything starring Gurmit Singh...ah amek kau, now thats a scary movie.

2) i've been opening my mouth wide open this days dishing out all your dirty little secrets. you know who you are since when one eats chilli one tends to taste hot. so all ya'all go take a leaf out of Nurul's books and make me go take a walk when you're about to reveal something personal. or else dont say i didnt warn you.

3) my nenek has been pestering me to get bubblewrap because she wants to go fold little flowers with them. ye lah nek.

4) i came across my old cd-r's and found Jason Lo mp3s..i can still sing along to him - word for word. its awesomous to have it feel the exact same way it did to sing along, alone in my room just like i used to when i was 14. the song is on my el-jay so go scoot over if you kpo.

5) overdue pictures from Daanesh's birthday:

he passed out and got abused by his bawah umur looking so-called 'friends' who are not in any way particularly interesting. i was tired, bored and sober and the most physical activity was minding everyone else's drinks.

but I had my share of beautiful. (we bumped into Idham of BreakForceCrew fame. also known as the guy who once had Bride of Frankenstein hair. i forgot what i said to him because all i heard in my head was HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA. But no, really hes a normal human being. Im just mean.)

so, to sum up my sentiments about MOS -

yeuch. (seriously, uhhh...whats the hype? Bedah catch no ball.)

2007-05-07T11:31:00.000+08:00

i dont understand that retort people make - "You always think you're right,"

a wise bird once mused that of course people think theyre right. When you live in your head, you'd be in the right no matter what your opinion because since your opinion is yours and it belongs to YOU, its a no-contest right? Because even if you're wrong - you're right.

so of course a person would think that their opinion is the right one, because if you have an opinion which you figure to be wrong wouldnt you be arguing with yourself? therefore, if at any given point of time a person carries an opinion that the person doesnt agree with - the person would be confused...leading up to a lack of firm opinion WHICH MEANS that there is no such thing as "You always think you're right" because as long as one forms ANY manner of opinion they are by default right in their own heads which MEANS that everyone thinks theyre right.

so if you fucking point your finger at me again and accuse me of being a flaming egomaniac because i always think i'm right...you better be guarding your balls.
---

on another note, its a happy monday in the office. i'm not feeling as sick as before and although there isnt anymore Bailey's Irish Cream Choco Mint for breakfast...there was prate telor. yarm.

ok, back to work.

random stuff about Ibu

2007-05-06T08:46:00.000+08:00

1) she was once offered the lead role in a Salem commercial somewhere in the 70's.

2) she 'dated' a guy named Osman from Penang in her late teens. When she came to visit him at his kampung, she got the wind knocked out of her at the sight of the shrine he built for her in the hallway perpendicular to his room.

He proposed years later, but it was at an untimely period of her life. bodoh peh jantan.

3) is listed in Wikipedia! this is madness!

4) is absolutely ok with what i do to my hair. not because she's the coolest mother on earth (which she is, of course) but at most part due to the fact that she's had blonde/blue hair herself. I didnt know this until a week or so ago. Patutlah.

what it's been like

2007-05-04T00:11:00.000+08:00

fourteen hour (unproductive) work days, some trauma at home and a lot of irritation because people really shouldnt macam faham

--
otherwise,
haha TOURIST.

2007-05-03T01:15:00.000+08:00

tabbleiyyh angkat. tak boleh angkat. tidak boleh angkat. tidak boleh diangkat. no can carry, ah hor!

tersebut al-kisah bapak aku giler

2007-04-27T02:01:00.000+08:00

berani eh dia pakai nama tuhan dengan nama rasul macam gitu?
jaga kau. satu hari nabi datang dengan senapang gajah and blasts your botak head off baru kau tahu dunia akhirat, di mana bumi dipijak disitu langit dijunjung.

and ibu pulak, this funny woman. aku tawarkan pertolongan nak bayar bende, abeh dia bingit yang aku macam paham asyik2 nak bayarkan bende. dia terus terang cakap - "Ayul..jangan jual badan eh?"

2007-04-25T23:30:00.000+08:00

yap... i'm still talking about the kidnapping. hwehwee.

"i'd like to say bah is a terrible person to kidnap only because everytime we surprise her she seems to be wearing a butterfly dress. and for some reason instead of screaming about being abducted, theres screams of
OMG AM I WEARING A BRA
WHAT YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, GOT INDIAN BOYS THAT CAN SEE ME OR NOT?!
OI OI OI MY CLOTHES!
I HAVE 10 BUCKS IN MY BRA WANNA SEE???
dude like who wears a bra to sleep but you? then she proceeds to making polite conversation which will turn into a some random suria moment about how she hates all of us for kidnapping her."

i LOL-ed at myself at my own quotes and merepekness. Boleh?
NGARH CHARLENE ONG MAY JEAN I FUCKING LOVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEE CZSCHYEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!
I LARVFE YEWWW!!!!!!!
-rolls around-

2007-04-25T10:43:00.001+08:00

ok cant stop talking about getting kidnapped.

you so know i like it kinky.

2007-04-25T01:24:00.000+08:00

when i woke up on saturday morning, it wasnt willful consciousnes. i would've much preferred to have just ngorok until the time was just right for me to rush to work.

that way, i wouldnt be permitted any time alone in my head recalling that exact morning last year. but since i couldnt go back to sleep, i just lay down there face first into the pillow, chewing on the earpiece plugged into the handphone.

little did i know, that at the exact moment that i was being jiwang in bed -

it was ugly.
they came in like a headrush, like a halt in a stampede. Faseha was a blurry jackrabbit in brown, yelling something that sounded a lot like 'serplaiiiiise'. whatever came next was a mess of hair and yellow blanket because they tried to get me up as i desperately attempted to dig a hole into my bed (and hopefully emerge out of a pothole in China)

but when you shove a cake in my face, of course i'd just shut up and eat right. so things calmed down and the milahtants and i sat down for breakfast. nenek joined us with some really random conversation topics, ranging from the beautiful land of Ipoh up to "....kalau orang tak kenal ajak naik kereta jangan ikut dia tau."

I rushed down to work, with the girls at my tail and enjoying the playground that is my store. which, led to this -

once work was over and done with I had my beautiful Raihan come down and pick me up...and we were relatively aimless. Ended up somewhere in Dhoby Ghaut and took a long ass walk down to Boat Quay where we sat down with a Slurpee and lots of lying on top of each other. We were aimless, but it didnt matter because we were somewhere where we had each other. We sat there for hours before I realised that Syaiful (of Yellow Chair Productions fame) mentioned something about Short&Sweet over at the Arts House so we zoom zoom over just in time to intercept the interval. The short he directed (entitled Jump, also going to be performed on the gala night) was brilliant. Hence the plugin. Although I really enjoyed Smoke on a different level.

But I digress.

So going over to join Sue and the other YCP people (that I only recently got to know. with the exception of Dhaniah and Zul but oi itu cerita lain la asal aku suka kayuh jauh2 ni) turned out to be a good idea. We sat down for coffee at Spinelli's for a while and then BRIAN CALLED TO SAY HE COULD MEET ME (we spoke earlier and i found out he was leaving for college soon and i was like 'then we better meet soon la!')! So he turned up in a black jacket with Germany flags on his sleeves. I was calling him Nazi and all until Raihan pointed out that I own a pair of Germany boxer shorts.

Eh wait I digress again.

So everyone parted ways and Brian and I walked over to the Clark Quay area scouting for calamari. Raihan called so that she could be the first to wish my Happy Birthday (I dont have to explain the 'stroke of midnight' thing, right? Although technically the first person would've been Ifran because he wished me a week in advance. Weird boy.) No calamari, but we headed off to China One (no dont ask me why. rargh.) and caught Tabula amidst a few birthday phonecalls here and there.

It was the most amusing thing to be surrounded by woozy middle-aged semi-upper-class ang mohlangs singing along to BYE BYE MISS AMERICAN PIE. We had chicken, sausage and coronas with the bassist during their break, and when the band went onstage again we ended up on the dance floor. A green eyed brown haired guy came over from behind Brian ever so often, and he was showing off these dance moves...getting jiggy with this other tipsy blonde who had his shirt open at the top. One time Brian left to get more Corona and this brunette comes over and grins, and all I saw was a blushing pig on crack. Spoil market, or else he wouldve been cute.

Champagne Supernova came on later in the night, and i think Brian tried to teach me how to dance. I liked the spins but stepping on my own feet...that one not so fun. So i let go of his hands coz jumping around flinging my violet hair felt a whole lot more "NINETEEN OR WHAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!"

He was dispensing ~~advice~~wise words on the way home but I let him ramble as i camwhored.

I came home and went out cold, but it seemed to me that I just got my eyes rested before my Ucu burst into my room with Caca and did a whole re-enactment of what the Milahtants did (but on a smaller scale.) ChaCha started jumping on my bed with a slice of cake singing her heart out but really, this time all I saw was a fuzz of yellow being stuffed into my face.

Rupa-rupanya makcik aku bagi aku patung itik ah. Sebesar maha punyalah besar pulak tu.

I had breakfast with my brother, who ended up eating most of the cake.

...and then spent the rest of the day waiting. Because i knew something was up, I smelt fishes for one (my mum had a board telling me I was GROUNDED. HAHA. my parents are not familiar with that concept eh...korang kalau nak tipu pon. ISH.) and ada yang pecah lobang (I STILL LOVE YOU ZEEK, dont kisah pasal dorang) but I figured, what the hell. Just play along ah it'll be fun.

So I sat around in my baju butterfly, like I would on any other day. I expected the late-ness, I expected the door banging, I expected nonchalance from nenek, Ibu and Syaiful...BUT I DIDNT EXPECT TO GET KIDNAPPED.

I was peeking out from the sofa when I saw all these groins running towards me and suddenly I had my head in a bag, with everything else getting masking taped.

I could smell Hayati, I could hear Charlene barking orders (amidst giggles, so it wasnt really that James Bond ok) and i KNEW there was a tudung amongst the few (WADAHHHH!!!!)......

and then I was dragged out and shoved into the back of some funny vehicle - and when I realised that i had space to move i knew instantly that it was the back of Abang Jam's van (confirm, confirm!) although one of the kidnappers, who I bet is Miss Mastermind herself my bacin kenaden bestfriend, denied it vehemently.

needless to say, the kidnappers and the kidnappee had a very pleasant conversation throughout the whole ride. it involved alot of masking tape being wrenched out and some wrestling of pants.

so they got me out of there and there were steps and flashing bulbs and i could hear people whispering and BLOODY MANGKUK, it was right where I expected it to be (although I was praying they would spare me the embarrassment)

mana aku nak tunjuk muka aku kat Kaki 5 lagi?!

when I was unmasked, we were upstairs over at Kaki 5's Sinema and amidst the nervous giggling confusion all i could do was curl up one corner trying not to die in my butterfly dress.

BAPAK KORANG SEMUA GILER AH INI AH NAMA KAWAN SETIA KEPE BILA DERA ORANG MANUSIA MACAM PRISONER?!

but then I saw familiar faces and I wanted to just run around and hug everyone.. from the kind Adi and Wahyu for tolerating our nonsense at their place of business,

Abang Jam and Chris for ...well again tolerating our nonsense and even providing my nutcase friends with transport

Ashek!!! HAHAHA WTFX?!

Zeek, just because hes a wonderful person

Boon too, and especially because i know his leg is still injured and it takes quite a bit for him to get out

THE FRIGGIN MILAHTANTS - yati, madds, rao, wadah, faseha, naza....jaga korang. JAGA AH! You dont outwit the master at her craft! SEMUA JATUH PANGKAT.

My beautiful Raihan, because I love you so much and you're so silly running around doing this for me. It makes my tummy feel all goooey like runny butter.

Timothy Wee, because you're cool and your mum's cake (plus sparklers!) is awesome as always

and most of all to Charlene - which means i'll have to leave it just as that because words kind of escape any possible manner for me to express how much i feel about her. Maybe I can stuff her into a giant balloon heart and start bouncing around with it. She drives me to all peaks of delirium,

and i think ive already said that people should be jealous that I have these people.
they're so special, that at the end of the party as I left with bags piled with 3 days worth of pasta and cake I realised I didnt care so much for turning nineteen. the number is so insignificant -

what felt so beautiful and glorious was that I knew i'd be spending my nineteenth year with a smile. so that maybe, when I wake up on my 20th next year...i wouldnt feel the urge to cry.

ps:// NO WAY are the prisoner pictures going to be published. this is the best you get.

2007-04-23T16:49:00.001+08:00

2007-04-23T02:45:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday to U
today you are grounded
- Ibu

selamat tahun baru kepadaaaa kawankooo ooooh
selamat tahun baru kepadaaaa khairul bahreeeyahhhhhhhh
jengjengjengjengjengjeng
ahhh
happy berfdaeh
(i think at the end can insert smiley because i can see his chubby grin right there)

SERIOUS AH PEOPLE SHOULD BE JEALOUS THEY DON'T HAVE MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

blow by blow accounts coming up once i get pictures. stay tuned, because there are videocam-ed early morning ambushes, the lovely Brian K. Tan and TERRORIST KIDNAPPING ATTACKS.

it's been a lovely 19th birthday weekend - bedah sungguh touched. the whole ignorant nonchalant attitude is just a facade...i'm weeping and all emotional inside. ehem.

2007-04-20T01:14:00.000+08:00

So this rooster walks into room, heading directly towards the little kitty who's pruning herself up, cara biasa anak dara berdan-dan. She looks up as he approaches and realises that he's wearing a frown that makes him look confused, constipated and furious all at once.

What's with the little cock, she wondered.

"Baby, did you hear that story that's been circulating around? Something about some birds and some bees or something along those lines? It's a complete rip off of our life story! I can't believe they're getting away with this. Tidak sah!"

Aiyah, the pussy cat thought to herself, everything's a conspiracy theory in his head. Malas nak layan.
---------

i dont want to be ungrateful, or belittle the effort .. and i know you know (more than anyone) how i never really mean much of what i say. really, i'm not sure what's coming is what i want.

2007-04-16T00:05:00.000+08:00

seems like my mouth's been having the most incredible craving for the taste of my foot these days. i have an awesome knack for getting those slow-motion Ally McBeal surreal moment in time sequences..like i want dig deep down my throat and rip something out because stupid silly comments just tend to spread their wings and zoom, tumble.. fly out of my dirty dirty bodoh mouth.

i do not think before i speak. i have neither tact nor any form of common sense. i understand no manner of social etiquette.

i am a baboon on crack.
-----

the kinder bueno hazelnut chocolate mousse cake was teh smexiest shieettt, yo.
(so good must describe in scene shit emo kid lingo one ah.) Oh yah Dieyarhnarh was the smexiestest shiet too but who cares about the birthday girl when theres an overload of chocolate. yarmyarm.
----

THIRD YEAR STUDENT KEPE!
it might not seem much but im really syukur i'm not somewhere worse. i've got an ambivalent stance about the course, but ultimately im just so thankful that i am not miserable.

apa lagi. start your engines, ah.

Perbualan Perempuan Babak Pertama: Balik-balik Berbual Pasal Kawin

2007-04-12T16:52:00.000+08:00

Hammadah's got the rules laid down for her future husband.

I hope her boyfriend takes note of them, its really important. Oh yes its true, she has a boyfriend. No matter how much she refutes the authencity of this information, its not a rumour. I repeat, however much she denies it...IA BENAR.
His name is Tengku Amat ~~Latip~~Lutfi Bin Dato' Mokshin Jailani. He's a space cowboy by occupation and has a Bowling Ball Pumping company on the sidelines. His hobbies include rearing ikan bilis which he feeds to the 5.28 cats he keeps in his 2-room bujang flat in Jurong West.
He has never set foot into a club (no not even Clementi Khalsa FC HQ, but thats because he supports Geylang United) and he has never missed sembahyang Juma'at except that one time when David Beckham came to Nanyang Polytechnic.
He used to smoke sheesha but then he got scared once the NHPB started showing pictures of dead babies on cigarette packages. He now de-stresses by blowing soap bubbles with a Sailor Moon Bubble Wand.

see, Sgt Mami Milah. we see all and we know all.

Anyway. There's been a few birthdays.
- Mary turned 18 on the 5th. The piercing artist (is that what you call 'em?) at Body Decor in Heeren is now finally of legal age herself.

- Imprawn (or der fuehrer imp) turned...uh..ancient on the 8th... and he's impossible to contact.

- Nurul Faryhin (or Danie) also turned 18. Her birthday was on the 11th. technically i havent heard from her since Khaliq got his leg all fucked up when he started BMT... i miss these two buggers, they need a whack on the head.

- Dieee yarrrhhh narrrrh's birthday was on the 11th too. I permit myself to drag letters when I spell her name because she's a 19 year old that acts like shes about twelve. She talks like she's sexy and cute or something and it makes me want to smack her. So I go ahead and slap her anyway. I volunteered to bake, and she's requested for a kinder bueno cake. OOH I LIKE THE CHALLENGE.

speaking of which (like u cant tell aku cari chance nak bebual pasal hari jadi aku sendiri) here's MY nineteenth birthday wishlist. I hope it helps the clueless people to figure out what to get me since im so enigmatic no one knows my taste even though i wear my heart on my sleeve:

SATU (ONE/UNE)
- Bo3's head on a stick. I want it mangled and bloody.
DUA (TWO/DEUX)
a cashcard with $175 in credits in order to settle my library fines
TIGA (THREE/TROIS)
- Creative Xmod
EMPAT (FOUR/QUATRE)
- an appointment with a neurologist to brainwash me to forget certain events in history
LIMA (FIVE/CINQ)
- 300 Spartan Soldiers under my command, plus 15 random men handpicked from selected gyms, jamming studios and bookstores from around Kuala Lumpur
ENAM (SIX/SIX)
- Z600
TUJUH (SEVEN/SEPT)
- toilet trained persian kitten with killer instincts and attacks on command
LAPAN (EIGHT/HUIT)
- a discectomy
SEMBILAN (NINE/NEUF)
- sternum/cleavage piercing
SEPULUH (TEN/DIX)
- Saw III DVD
SEBELAS (ELEVEN/ONZE)
- a large box of UK 8 boatneck white cotton t-shirts and lots of fabric markers
DUABELAS (TWELVE/DOUZE)
- Polaroid 80's series backing
TIGABELAS (THIRTEEN/TREIZE)
- a jeep! or at least CDAC credits so i can learn to drive first
EMPATBELAS (FOURTEEN/QUATORZE)
- an international boycott on war, racism, abuse, media conglomarates, F&N Coca-Cola and the McDonald Corporation! YES, I WANT WORLD PEACE.
LIMABELAS (FIFTEEN/QUINZE)
- mini-fridge for my room (to stock assorted fruits, vitagen, cosmetics, film negatives and weapons of mass destruction)
ENAMBELAS (SIXTEEN/SEIZE)
- a pacifier. lost the one i had when i was 14
TUJUHBELAS (SEVENTEEN/DIX-SEPT)
- the Devil's soul.
LAPANBELAS (EIGHTEEN/DIX-HUIT)
- a microchip to implant into my brain programme me to never again speak before i think. and also to control carbohydrate intake as well as inculcate some common sense.
SEMBILANBELAS (NINETEEN/DIX-NEUF)
- uhm, a pleasant surprise?

see, i dont really ask for much.

2007-04-08T01:49:00.000+08:00

after work today a little bird came by to drop off Veronica Mars Season 2 DVDs, share some cigarettes and ~~gossip~~ stories. except that the little bird wasn't so little, closer to maybe like an songless mutant canary with blue eyeshadow.

so yeah i heard that there was a rape involving a bomoh with a minor. the court hearing had the defence call the plaintiff a 'dinosaur'

...duno, it was funnier when she told the story.

so ok - happy easter because good friday wasnt so great.

2007-04-06T15:04:00.000+08:00

i'm listening to F.O.B's This Ain't a Scene!

and Danielle is on myspace
fooh, canggih.

2007-04-05T04:09:00.000+08:00

congratulations, by the way.

i need you to know that you have successfully left me profoundly confused, up til today. i keep saying, its been a while. it's been a while. i'm still waiting to see how long (and what extremes, exactly) it will take to remove the punishing gut wrench i get everytime i start to wonder about it~~you~~things.

2007-04-05T03:01:00.000+08:00

tonight i had the one boy i love the most apologise for not being able to get me anything for my akan datang 19th birthday.

"But you wait one day when i get a job," he said with his almost manly chest puffed out. "...you'll see then just what i'll get you."

with that, he thumps his breasts three times and stuffs a piece of bread into his mouth. i grinned.

"A pony?"

His mouth opened agape. "Dayyyyyyymn, woman!"
-------

i came across sad kermit on youtube.
why are the muppets doing a musical about how i've been feeling these days?

i dont think i could have quite answered whoever's ever asked. so here, in case you've ever wondered

2007-04-03T02:19:00.000+08:00

hello friends, this is just a reminder that syurga itu benar-benar di telapak kaki ibu.

i love my mother (with everrry beat of my hearttt - and i swearrrrr by the mooon and the stars in de skaiiiiiii) and i cannot escape from being my mother's daughter. i don't think i want to, either. its the most beautiful feeling, to feel safe just because you know someone loves you unconditionally.

i pity my children-to-be though...
my feet ah, quite the stinky. like belacan and mouldy cheese stored in a roomful of socks from atheletes with leprosy.

sidenote: my body aches all over but its ok because on the way to meet Aisha today i bumped into the ever elusive Mr Panic at the Smoking Alley (except that there wasnt enough time to really panic. by the time we exchanged two words on the escalator as we passed by each other in opposite directions.....

he disappeared into the nothingness that was 'downstairs')

2007-04-02T01:42:00.000+08:00

maybe having a buttery fat laden muffin at this time equates to a certain kind of evil - but who cares? its blueberries!

so the new quit smoking campaign advertisements are laughable.

am i supposed to quit smoking because i feel insulted enough that the National Health Promotions Board thinks i'm stupid enough to believe that the fake model is a real mouth cancer patient?

besides, media scare tactics leave the same aftertaste as when my nenek used to tell me that i'd get blisters on my butt if i sat on cushions.

i roll my eyes, i laugh...and then i still sat on the cushion.

and NHPB, call me ignorant - but wouldn't it be a lot less of a hassle to just forget the tobacco tax dollars and ban them altogether. you win, no smoke, we all don't die. habis cerita, finish, tamat.

oh siti payung

2007-03-31T01:11:00.000+08:00

i think voting for sanjaya malakar is a beautifully warped form of rebellion against conventional mass media ideologies. i think its poetic justice to have a rooster win an idol contest.

that being said, viva la revolucion!
ANARCHY!

2007-03-29T03:08:00.000+08:00

i was going to have an entry dedicated to embedding clips of sesame street ditty bops, but i don't feel like it anymore. there was witty conversation between Ernie and the Cookie Monster involving hippity-hoppitying. there was raggae rubber duck singalong lyrics, and a woeful pink muppet singing her guts out about wanting a monster for a friend.

but as i typed, my thoughts wandered off to about six hours ago as i claimed my only break on the 12 hour shift (random stranger offered free cigarette). I sat on a corner in the stairwell, where no one can see me even if they peer through the little rectangle glass window.

i'd usually take my time there, to collect my head away from the subwoofer and the nipple-biting cold. but today i realised there was really nothing to think about.

i felt kind of white washed. like i scrubbed myself with liquid paper and then took a bath in thinner. or something.

don't know. but for damn sure its better than feeling something searing hot coursing through your entire being.
------------

If I make friends with a friendly monster,
I'll let him bounce me on his knee.
I'll let him do whatever he wants ta,
Especially if he's bigger than me.

bawitdaba da bang da bang diggy diggy DIGGY SAID THE BOOGIE SAID UP JUMP THE BOOGIE

2007-03-24T01:19:00.000+08:00

Its cute in a way, till you cannot speak
And you leave to have a cigarette, your knees get weak
An escape is just a nod and a casual wave
Obsessed about it, heavy for the next two days

It's only just a crush, it'll go away
It's just like all the others it'll go away
Or maybe this is danger and you just don't know
You pray it all away but it continues to grow

I want to hold you close
Skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, and close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right

I want to hold you close
Soft breasts, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear

I want to fucking tear you apart

- She Wants Revenge

2007-03-22T02:03:00.000+08:00

it was kind of dark, but not in an ominous kind of way. more like bad lighting in a b-grade indie movie. so i was walking down this pathway, right? it lead straight down, with a blind-spot curve and i thought it was pretty weird that there would be a large solitary rock left upturned in the middle of road.

so i went over and lifted up the rock.

ohhhh.... no wonder.
Got prawn, lah.

a few things that don't concern anyone - but me

2007-03-21T02:32:00.000+08:00

semestral results

worst semester in my history as a student in the course. it was mediocre, it was lacklustre. wailed a tiny bit and then i moved on with life.
----

helix piercings keep closing up even though they're supposed to have healed a long time ago. so,

---------
lastly, at work with Olibia
(and my bird nest explosion of a mane that refuses to ever bleach itself properly)

2007-03-21T02:25:00.000+08:00

lincoln burrows (not dominic purcell even though the picture wasnt taken off PB)

panties in a twist (or knot, whatever)

hah!

quotes and countdowns

2007-03-13T18:00:00.000+08:00

from a malay pop icon:

"...and asked me one more Singapore vs Malaysia music scene comparison question, I'll attack like a hungry fox!! Stop comparing juice to a cordial."

"..for heaven's sake, please do not share local music mp3's without remorse. It's wrong, illegal, unfair and inconsiderate. It's flattering but it doesn't do any good."
--------
from a playwright:

Q: Describe the relationship between a playwright and his critics in no more than 30 words.

A: 'I help you sell more tickets, you help me sell more newspapers.' At least that's how it seems to me in Singapore.

Q: On that note, if you were made to write a play with a cat as the protaganist, what would it be about? (This is a followup to their question: You were once given an irreverent trophy in the form of a cat for your work in the arts. Anything feline about you we should know about?)

A: Yoyo and Yaya from Aksi Mat Yoyo come on stage. How happy they are, singing and dancing! They approach the Man with the Fez, who as it turns out, isn't their usual friend Mat Sentul, but Dr Vivian Balakrishnan! Blackout. We hear screaming. This play will not be suitable for children
---------------

300 and Hannibal Rising tomorrow
2 days till payday
2 days till harold goes for NS
4 days till Rao's 19th birthday
6 days till exam results are posted
12 days til hammadah's brother's wedding
1 month till school starts
40 days till the next episode of Heroes

2007-03-11T11:15:00.000+08:00

Memphis: You bet you will. The word triumph starts with "try" and ends with...?
Young Mumble: umph?
Memphis: That's right, a big ol' UMPH!
---
Ramón: You know, chica chica, boom boom.
Mumble: You are not interested in chicas?
Ramón: You kdiding? Without us the chicas got no boom
---
Mumble: but you don't have any pebbles?
Ramón: pebbles schmebbles man, we got per-so-nal-lit-tee.
---
Ramón: STOP! Lemme tell something to joo... I know size can be daunting... but don't be afraid... I love you!

2007-03-09T15:28:00.001+08:00

-------
ITU BUKAN GAGAH. ITU GELOJOH, BODOH.

2007-03-09T02:00:00.001+08:00

RULES: Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks.

kind of tagged by RAODAH

1. this was raodah's number 4 - I used to prefer to pluck the underarm hairs because it feels goood (*nudge bahriah), but now its been quite some time so I think I prefer shaving. Hohoho..

she'd nudging me because im a plucker not shaver.

2. in response to Hammadah's latest blog entry, Knotting Hill ...uhm yup ive daydreamed of marriage. my favourite one is where an eccentric media mogul takes me in his care and i get my education paid for until i'm all satisfied. i've also decided that there is two basic syarat's thats gotto be fulfilled - he's gotto have an undying love for my Ibu and also allow me to dye our firstborn's hair pink at age 3.

also, satu-satu petanda bahwasanya anda itu orang melayu adalah bila anda daydream bersanding bawah block. insya'allah i want a more intimate setting (i doubt ill have 1000 people invited NUDGES HAMMADAH'S FAMILY). live band is also a kemestian. wajib macam dodol. HAHA.

3. how many people actually remember that i have a bass named ghazali? because i havent touched him in a really. long. time. about a year or so. I feel a certain kind of despair remembering how much playing mattered so much before.

4. i have a problem controlling my emotions. don't know (and dont care) if it can be seen but i tend to make things messy. a messy messy mess.

5. i've already khatam al-qur'an. that basically means i've completed the holy qur'an- which is about 30 chapters of arabic that i wasn't able to comprehend at the age that i was. the tajwid and all are still at the tip of my tongue and i've contemplated giving it another go.

but i dont need to get into about why i somehow don't feel ready.

6. my handphone line has been terminated, you can send me notes via a messenger pigeon.

7. it was my younger brother that started smoking first. see, that's the after effects of living in Bedok (not being racist to the people that live there uh.) you get an 8 year old stealing his fathers Salems. i had my first puff at 10 but it was just a little girl's bathroom experiment. In sec 1 i brought a pack to school where Huda, Yana Rahman and I did the whole rebel minah-smoke-in-toilet thing...and it wasn't till a certain special kind of heartbreak that the habit became a friend.

8. i miss the stage. but for a really long while i've come to realise that maybe the stage doesnt miss me.

9. when i was seventeen, i had a conversation with a nigerian guy named KC who called me Michelle the whole night.

10. i have celebrities calling my mother 'Mak'. the list includes aaron aziz, suzairhe sumari, ernalilah, khairudin samsudin and so on.

it feels weird.
------

tagging Ifran, Zeek, Aini, Elsa Faith, Rik Beans and whoever else that wants to do it.

like second sight

2007-03-08T14:54:00.000+08:00

havent been with ghazali for a while but here's me, him and us getting trigger happy.
warning: image intensive.

that's zomfg! for Loudhailer.com with 3MG and an unsuspecting lecturer. there were balloons at muse...oh yes, MUSE just like there were prepubscent half naked boyss at kallang stadium. but my boys wear baju kurungs in polaroids. there were happy kids with tummies full of nasi briyani and cousins from ipoh and there was also a cousin (fi-sushi-zures)who fancies fish. then there was that fancy party for a dandy man. and i ate banana in a cake even though i hate processed bananas. and lastly we have our myspace moments. HAHA CONFORMIST.

my hands shake -
an earthquake of regrets
jesus
scream, oh jesus
what have you done.

2007-03-07T21:32:00.000+08:00

so i made a batch of soft choc chunk cookies on an aggravated rokok-less whim. except that i used a bar of leftover chocolate which i barbarically chopped up with a parang instead of normal chocolate chips.

figured that perhaps baking would be therapeutic. they turned out pretty good too - all chocolatey and warm, crisp with a squishy centre. but i dont feel better. to add on to this frustrating exasperating irrational incomprehensible irritation sans cigarettes.... i now feel fat.

ngararharh i am so perempuan.

tidak boleh angkat (comma) dok

2007-03-07T02:41:00.000+08:00

i do friendster bulletins because even though theres a million and one things to do online at the end of the day i still enjoy talking about myself the most.

so.
i came across a streaming of the premiere live telecast of a Suria music programme where artistes perform infront of a studio audience. They feature local artistes and heavily emphasize on audience interaction. I'm most definitely all for advocators for anything local music but wahlao the show was.... uhm. mortifying. granted though, it didnt drive me to drown in tears.

i guess the concept was far from anything solid and anything that experimental is bound to bring boughts of headache (i bet my buttcheeks there were people screaming hysterically behind the scenes. confirm ada orang punya mak bapak kene maki habis-habisan) but what's so tak boleh angkat I cannot take it punya stress tertekan is that it was about half an hours worth of complete lack of direction and an evident lack of preparation work.

my mata terjojol so many times within that short period. complete absolute 'what the fuck!?' moments. Like Jai...dancing. With models. Oh and the opening sequence - flailing people with pink faux fur on their joints..HA?! HA?!??!!? what is with the bad taste, excuse me?! And the hosts, missing so many cues.... aduhai. One can argue the lack of experience for the hosts and the pressure of performing live... but thats just shoddy malas work of people that don't prep their talent.

(Fooh berbual macam paham? Pegi sekolah belajar bende jugak eh. Abeh banyak songeh macam project dia buat memang penuh sempurna.)

I've come to understand that under no circumstance are talents recorded performing live based on the sole premise that they might cock up or not sound good (so let's ignore the fact that the quality is so off and the talents look fake, pretentious and uh..talentless.) but in this particular episode the live performances really did complement the performances by Jai, Hyrul and Bhumi. Not too sure about whatsherface but holy hell did Hyrul overpower her during their duet. Kesian.

and oh. OH what the HELL was that segment with having the audience members dress up and catwalk. makes me feel so insulted i want to eat my leg. I keep hearing panicked wailings in my head giving out camera cues each time the guy in pink walks off frame..."WHERE ARE YOU GOING WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!?!" *shakes fist at screen*

I'd say Shah Iskandar handled himself considerably much better than ..uhm the other guy. (who by all technicalities won that Anugerah Skrin thing but really proved the voters to be so salah for choosing him.)

anyway its nampak sah the reason i sat through the show and its also very nampak sah i regret it, which leads to this rambling critic on a tak menjadi programme.

It's still the kerja keras of some people, and i'm positive they fully comprehend the profoundness of how that show flopped on so many levels (that it got canned by the third episode, if i understand correctly).... which led me to thinking -

am i going to be able to handle having the things i work towards blow up in my face?

eurgh, its 3 am i'm just speaking out of my ass. am going to catch Prison Break S2 Ep 19 now.

2007-03-06T00:58:00.000+08:00

I know you'll count on the me from yesterday If I turn into another Dig me up from under what is covering The better part of me Sing this song Remind me that we'll always have each other When everything else is gone. We all have a sickness That cleverly attaches and multiplies No matter how hard we try.
- Dig (Incubus, Light Grenades)

i) i itch to bake.

ii) my discman has been resuscitated. I did a Frankenstein wail - "It's aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivee!!!!!!!!!"

iii) Syaiful is keeping a vow of silence. He's been walking around with a notepad. We've been talking about this since I made him sit through Little Miss Sunshine and he's now adamant that he wants to punish himself by going through this experiment. I'm encouraging it. It's been about 24 hours or so and he's irritated as hell but slowly getting the hang of interaction and communication strictly through body language.

makes you realise that if you shut up for once and really listen, you'd get to understand more than what you hear.

as simple as

2007-03-05T02:42:00.000+08:00

I want to -
and i could
and i can
But i will not,
(or should i not?)
because i don't have to.

2007-03-04T03:06:00.000+08:00

Simone Deveaux
You scored 50 Idealism, 50 Nonconformity, 20 Nerdiness
You think you can paint the future. Fine, paint one without me.Congratulations, you're Simone Deveaux! You are a loving, dedicated person with a variety of creative interests. You may however, fall in love a little too easily. Your best quality: You are a romantic Your worst quality: You are a romantic

Link: The Heroes Personality Test written by freedomdegrees on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

-----------

i. did i mention my relatively new discman (no, not getting an mp3 player. not that gelojoh yet.) short circuited while i was walking in the rain?

ii. random fact - i have Raden in my blood lineage. (as in indonesian royalty) Obviously not from Bo3's side. Apparently my great great grandmother was a princess and my great great grandfather was the fisherman she forbidden to marry.

iii. my ultimate hero is my grandmother, Hjh Zahrah bte Bujang. She has lived through a world war, the death of her first husband and the infidelity (plus betrayal) of her second. Recently, she lost a daughter to breast cancer. Through it all she doesnt just stay strong hanging in there... does it with unwaivering faith and a smile.

When I got home a few hours ago she greeted me with keropok and vitagen, enthusiastically going on about making friends with an indonesian maid when she was excercising over at the playground earlier in the day.

I haven't taken her out since the time we went to Sentosa and had iftar at Arab St... she's been hinting that she wants to go Tekka. I guess I have a date once my pay comes in.

2007-03-03T01:14:00.000+08:00

I'm drained. it's been a while since i've been this tired and i'm relatively irritated that its coming at a time when i have a gabjillion and one material in my hands to just lap up happily. but i is nots complains, i smiles alot.

'cept that we caught this movie at Rao's just now. I thought the title was a bit the sappy indon pseudo tweenlliwood but aisehman it had Eizlan Yusuff and Sharifah frikkin Amani (eh, she had a cameo in Possessed ah? ok another reason to watch.) and I'm a sappy sucker for good scriptwriting so ofcourse I kept welling up and sniffing. But this is not to say the movie didnt stray from cliches...but they were forgivable considering the characterisations were made real enough to hit home without being too fartsy.

spent 45 minutes walking in the (note: heavy) rain on the way to meet them today.
I hate East Coast Park.
Fine, not really. But eurgh.

HAHA.

don't bother, just rambling about today :D

2007-03-02T02:12:00.000+08:00

hello i spent yesterday with my beloved cousin hafizah - we caught Paris Je'taime at Dhoby Ghaut and then had coffee (ok, I had coffee while she avoided inhaling second hand smoke) in the rain. The movie was brilliant, but i guess i should've
1) told her it was going to be made up of 18 shorts instead of leaving her muddled
2) talked less in the theatre (but im a loud person, cant help it. really.)

i wonder if we would've found each other if it werent for... well, the unfortunate circumstance that i consider the paternal side of my extended family (save for a few) to be. but i love our conversations - sans the really retarded linguistic errors (something about wanting to 'roll around the streets of arab' when I meant Arab Street...and having to remember to be more 'tactile when you speak')

yes i love our conversations, they sometimes get long winded and unneccessarily ~~bitchy~~catty but most of the time just simple straight-forward everythings in nothing. it doesnt make sense because we hardly do :D she's smart and sly, that one.

Oh did i mention Paris Je'taime was blindingly brilliant? Ok, not bling bling blindly but enough to get me tearing then again i cry at the silliest things anyway.

T-Bag made me cry last week. (oooh episode 18 still havent watched yet. warrgh.)

And so today was pretty weird.
I had no intention of going out after work, but i've been irritating myself contemplating whether i should go get the Holga prints from City Hall and then i realised that Ifran is usually free so I called him up to see if he would mind keeping me company that evening.

This decision led to an interesting chain of events.

In chronoligal order, today there was:
1) Hasanal
who's graduated from NYP and is sorely missed some of the times im at Smoking Alley. He was in dreadlocks (extensions, kia). He was just whiling time away at some steps nearby Peninsula.

2) Ifran
well. its ifran. :D

3) Angel
he called while we were sitting down infront of La Vanita and this pissy little girl was screaming in my head 'KIMAK INI SCENE WAS SO 3 YEARS AGO LAH CAN.' and we stayed on the phone for the next hour or so as i made my way around Marina Square alone.

4) that guy from Earz
who recognised me as the girl that used to work at Earz. I got myself Hawthorne Heights and Light Grenades. blablabla.

5) RIK BEANS!
so i walk out of Marina towards Bugis once Zul called (oh another long story about an ominous SMS from a pseudo mat trying to act like a crazy stalker. but we've heard all that before.) and then there was this guy in white who looked so much like my beans and of course it was him and we both tried to surprise each other because we both pretended not to see each other and ended up freaking out 2 nyonyas beside us.

6) Ashek
called out of the blue and started the conversation with 'I need to talk to you.' which got me kind of worried, it was either (a) that bodoh girl or (b) 'kangkung' but it was neither so, phew. Zul still wasnt there yet...so i was stoning away during the conversation when I saw..

7) LEMAN/NAZ!
and Reza from afar. this calls for a bout of vulgarities because i miss the guy like (expletives). the usual round of excitement and random (and LOUD) babbling ensued before

8) Zul
finally arrived. It wasnt eventful, we ate and then went to Haji Lane where

9) Eric
was around..like he always is. But he was with

10) Kaze!
who i havent seen in ages. I think honest to god, the last time was when we went to Cheeky Monkey's (yeah wtf?) - and ...well. She's different. Not the "BRUTALLLLLL, lets mangle corpses and skank around the mulberry bush" one who would scream her vagina inside out each time she sees me. We talked abit, then Zul said that

11) Lyn
was over at Al Majlis. Granted, we hung out but i've never really spoken to her, ever. Not even when things were really 'happening', hip and all that jazz. Bout of nostalgia from two years ago though, innit? We played cards, had card tricks and played lame guessing games for a really long while before i decided to drop by Kaki 5 awhile and thats where numbers 12-18 come in but thats always the same old same old you'd see everytime you drop by there anyway.

Kinda like Cheers - 'you wanna go where people go, people are all the same. you wanna go where everybody knows your name.'

but yeah, needless to say it was a random bunch of people with disjointed connections to my life and i had a rather amusing time being overwhelmed by so much memories.

lucky i didnt meet more people after the sheesha session -
if not skali i feel like rockstar.

yeay

2007-02-28T02:04:00.000+08:00

am currently downloading:
- desperate housewives s3 ep15
- prison break s2 ep18

am currently in possession of:
- veronica mars season 1 DVD full set (code 1 original dont play play)
- heroes s1 ep16 (watched halfway and wanted to die.)

have access to The L Word season 3 and 4, but not downloading yet.
am in possession of more than half a pack of Marlboro Menthols still left over from that long ride with Aiyad to JB (with permission from Ibu, no less.)

have three mannequins standing in my room exuding uber ist krieg excessive major supreme diva coolness.

mary's going to pierce me somewhere naughty!

my room is clean.

ah, see. the shit we dont need.
but alerrrmak i'm smiling anyway what!
----

UPDATE: was typing blog entry, came across this website, read - boycott coke.

cant expect a huge jihad, but its always the little things that count.
besides, Green Tea is healthier for you. and Yeo's man...support local music! or senang kata teh o ais limau (:

visit www.thezeromovement.org
and pps/: i've been re-listening to Ill Nino. REVOLUCION/REVOLUTION mi amigas!
(really i donno why im so high.)

2007-02-27T13:38:00.000+08:00

videos are of violent nature, viewer discretion advised.

2 Dec 2006

5 Dec 2006

we understand how this is news of concern to the singapore population, and that word has been spread about them already. However, the question I have is why the lack of information and preventive measures from official sources? so much for moral obligations in journalistic press (or any form of media for that matter.) I'm pinching my nose with one hand and wagging my index finger with the other - i smell the pangsai from a panicked scaredy cat's hush hushing and some cover up.
----

Speaking of which, I've been thinking about sitting through their conversation on Sunday while I kept my mouth shut with my cup of teh o limau. One of the guys was lamenting on how he gets the heebie-jeebies when he returns to Singapore only to face some 'members', and see them moving on with life. Getting married, getting worried about jobs.

Same old stories, he said. Just different people at separate times. One moment it's worried about exams, then its about getting a job and then keeping that job...before having to worry about saving money to get a car, to get married, to buy a house.
Worry worry worry, calculate calculate calculate.
Sounds like an endless loop, circles spirals of unnecessary stress.

His sepet eyes went missing amidst his sunkissed tan Malaysian skintone while he laughed away at the incredible 'gila'ness of it all...having us work our asses off doing a job we hate to buy shit we don't need.

Looking at the guys at the table, i wasnt really able to surely tell if the bend they took in the junction really led them away from the unhappiness they wanted to avoid. But there was a certain peaceful selamba tone in the way they conversed about their music, a little spark of pride just laying out foundations and ideas.

I think there's no way that guys like them havent ever fallen down.
I wonder what it takes to have to keep struggling to stand up, and give up all faith in security.
Theres so many different ways one would interpret the idea of losing the soul but i personally think it's usually tercicir in search of happiness.

Yati reminded me the other day, about how I once said "Buat ape mau pegi clubbing when i've got the Milahtants? I dont need to drink....dudok ketawa dengan korang aku cukup high." I was sober the one time I went to Momo, and I was looking around at the devastation around me - and I felt sick. Is this your perception of happiness? Sure, they were all smiling. Having fun, katakan. But it was the most goddamn belo-est kinda smiles.

i think it was kinda ironic how amidst the upbeat music and laughter, i see eyes glazed over that show no comprehension of what was happening around them.

i couldnt really find my way around the place, it was pretty dark. it felt like the whole idea was to hole oneself up in that place knowing full well it was going to be filled to the brim with the same people running away from the same things that you are.

It hit me, the huge economical significance that the nightlife scene is...sampaikan negara nak buat Integrated Resort.

uhm. yah.
so i might sound like a hypocrite to some, but i'd like to point out how very aware i am of how I get sad unnecessarily. And I know i do it to myself...but these thoughts are perpetually nagging me. If i could ever explain why im a walking contradiction, i'll blog about it one day. Until then I'll just keep being confused.

But I digress.
I was talking about the ~~pakcik~~guys conversing over teh.
And some parts of the time, I look back at the night before while at Simpang with the Hamartia guys, Ain and Lin. I wonder what time has got in surprise.

memori daun pisang

2007-02-26T23:06:00.000+08:00

bedah dah sangka lama dah, awak tu dah memang dah yang punya.
tapi kadang-kadang pejam kelip tiba-tiba awak muncul jugak cari bedah? apesal ni... jangan lupa ye awak, pandai-pandai the racoon jump one day he will fall down and bruise his buah pelir jugak.

I guess i sound bitter, but i really wouldn't blame myself. I took precautionary measures because I was scared as hell, being attracted to him the way i ~~was~~ am ~~was~~ am. I knew if i had ikutkan nafsu, I'd be in blinding bliss for that momentary intoxicating while - but for what? To allow myself to used over and over and over until i'm drained with nothing left?

I had a nagging feeling and i was right, right? right.

I was telling Aiyad I hope there isn't too many girls you're doing it to - because i might not know her and it's really not my place...tapi kalau kau faham benar ertinya kasih (like your 'poetry' claims you do) you wouldn't do this to her.

careful with the crafty crafty, Mr old halfwit...please. whatever you're looking for would be right and ready for you if you just not be selfish by taking things forgranted.

i feel i might be overreacting sandiwara but i cant shrug off that questionable message he sent a long while ago, which led me to have to summon up enough guts to tell him to go away again.
---

Ok so we have established the obvious fact that i am reasonably affected by that little detail.
But at work today, a guy came to the store and got suspiciously friendly, also claiming to be a soccer player on the national team. We can, of course, blame it on his mishandling of the English language.

But i'll just be a girl and assume I crushed his Nigerian heart.
That cheered me up abit. grin.

2007-02-25T16:55:00.000+08:00

I remember how glorious it felt the day i mastered the raggae jig intro to What About You and I still get tingles recalling Dhalif laughing at the awkward way I held the G chord when he taught me the fretboard.

i'm still stuck and punkrock riffs and my fingering is always always off timing -

but i live for the goosebumps i get when a musician lets love fly with a vibrato and manipulates my heartbeat to follow his rhythm.

amidst the haze of wine and too much meat that night i slurred along to random songs from Djasly (Jazly? Jaslee? Wharh?) and his fender acoustic. I don't get to go there much anymore, but I love them pakciks - and most of the company that comes along with them, including the wan and liz and random al-majlis employees and random who's who and the full pledge monkeys boys. Korang cool ah!
---

i was pretty sour. very very very much so. just that i didnt let it out here.
congratulations, irregardless of whether you did it or not
(and if you care at all to begin with)
you have officially made it into the list of top 3 people i want dead.
---

2007-02-21T23:01:00.000+08:00

this is a big fat UP-YOURS to the people made it to Good Vibrations.

*wails in jealousy*

gong xi fa cai

2007-02-18T17:24:00.000+08:00

my lack of hygiene exceeds many levels of gross-ness. i have pushed the limits of my badak behaviour and made it a wide-spread epidemic as is evident with the contents of my ever over-stuffed bags and perpetual cluttered desk.

so in conjunction with the supposed good luck of cleaning one's habitat for Chinese New Year, i'm doing just that. purge and sanitize my room, but not sweeping the floor because that sweeps out the luck too. Although i think technically we're supposed to do it before the day itself but it's OK, i dont think i'm Chinese.

it's a tedious task though, especially because i get nostalgic. its literally piles of junk stored and kept to collect dust over the years that are of no significant use which i still cant let go of. I have old copies of Lime magazine with some band called Plus One, an old Linkin Park poster, lots of staplers and masking tape, a pager ( A PAGER!!!!!!!!) this CD stand made out of acrylic and wood that I carved when I was 14...

i have also come across animals, dead animals and animal excrement.

ibu just left to go excercise with nenek. great, i feel fat now.

pertahankan hak asasi - hakim durjana rakyat bersatu

2007-02-18T04:33:00.000+08:00

"yang bikin conteng-conteng tu? oh kita tak tahu siapa yang bikin conteng-conteng. memang kita tak pernah nampak pun."

the one who did the scribbles? oh we dont know who did them. we didnt see anything.

Danny Lim's 18? - Citizen Graffiti in Malaysia (circa 2003)
18? is the runner-up in the amateur category of the 2005 Freedom Film Fest.

2007-02-17T00:28:00.000+08:00

i think he reads this.

so thank you, mr azhar.
-----

"they say the mind is the most powerful weapon
well i say my shoe to your head is more powerful
can make you have concussion
can kick your face in
can smash your brains
no brains, no mind, no weapon, you die, fuck you"

good point, ifran.

2007-02-16T13:45:00.001+08:00

it's official.

we're all screwed.

2007-02-16T03:14:00.000+08:00

so ken reminded me that we are to start on our CV's for IPP (industrial attachments, laymen.) applications a.s.a.p - and i start to itch because by all technicalities i've already started on it while the exam study break was on which is way too soon especially since we're supposed to be studying, right? BUT i havent gotten round to completing yet.

anyway.
the conversation inevitably took to the typical poly-politics "show me yours i show you mine" thingy turn and i swear we're all so damn adorable trying to out boogie our own credentials.

so like. yah. amidst all these PSLE results comparisons and half-assed ~~b-grade~~ student projects nightmare reminiscence ....

I GUESS I'M PRETTY USELESS.

updates

2007-02-14T01:31:00.000+08:00

1) pending second job at art and lifestyle gallery at Takashimaya. trial shift starts tomorrow.

2) charlene's birthday sarplaiiiiise was successful. i'm scared of Tim's mother, but in the respect-your-elders kind of way. thank you so much to those who came.

3) yes, exams are over. i'm nervous shitless about public relations though.
---
spent a few hours out with charlene at town today after work, and she took me to that cafe in Project Blood Bros. in Paragon for cake and wine.

Who the fuck goes to para-fricking-gon for cake and wine for no reason!? You crap money is it.
very discomforting - but its booze and chocolates mannnnn. bedah like.

anyway.
so I one-up her by taking her to Body Decor in Heeren (where Mary's been at) to take a look-see if her tattoo can get re-done into a dragon. second sarrrpplaaaiiiiseeee! Didn't see that one coming right.

When she left I spent time hanging out at Propaganda Machine looking at some pipe fixtures I'm contemplating on bringing home. ..and some other weird stuff I'm getting really excited about.

Hanging out with Mary and Wati was nice. I bumped into Siti from Munchies earlier on. And Hasanal as well. It was sort of nostalgic - these familiar faces.

The girls were a barrell of laughs, too. Think grammatically challenged hot swedish guys and a fat sidekick named Fred. Or, you just had to be there.

and its true. eating ice is a subconcious method of venting sexual frustrations.

goodnight.

2007-02-12T01:18:00.000+08:00

happy birthday charlene.

i love you.

(haha! you cried!)

2007-02-09T22:20:00.000+08:00

Timon
Then maybe you need a new lesson. Repeat after me. {Clears throat} Hakuna Matata
Simba
{Still lethargic} What?
Pumbaa
Ha-ku-na Ma-ta-ta. It means "No worries."

Timon
Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase
Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze
It means no worries For the rest of your days
It's our problem-free......Philosophy

Hakuna Matata!

--------

Exams over, mah!

2007-02-07T00:30:00.000+08:00

I make pink heart with skull in it! I make subliminal message!
I'm so emo-goth shit yo. sK8eRz rEWwLXx bodoh.

---------

did i study for BM0606 Media Market Research?

2007-02-06T23:46:00.000+08:00

Question:
The average rating for studying being relavant is 2.27 while for guys being sluts are 3.15. A difference of mean test reveals a significant value of 0.079

Rule:
Based on a two-tailed test with a 0.05 significant level -
reject Ho in favour of Kelvin Ha if the significant rate is <0.025

Analysis:
Because the difference in mean test is >p we fail to reject Ha.

Therefore, there is no significant difference in studying being irrelavant and guys being sluts.

2007-01-30T23:49:00.000+08:00

so ive been sitting here for a while fuming about how i want to rant rave and curse the heavens because i havent been able to bring myself to truly digest the inner workings of the media management industry with the miniature pile of notes (total cost of photocopies: SGD$6.45)

i can get all the support i want and/or need with a dial of the phone or a singular note of high pitched whining towards Ibu but nnnnnnnooooooooooooooooooo. sial ah. even the light bulb in my room is turning against me!

i'm just balancing out this savage anxiety and excessive nervousness with the memory of sitting through a scene with Madds and Yati of a caucasian couple running zealously through the streets of paris stark nekkid.

such a simple girl

2007-01-29T20:37:00.000+08:00

what i should be thinking about, and what helps to calm me

keeps the pressure off, but got no marnie

and then there are those things i cant help

pasrah, beb. pasrah.

2007-01-28T01:27:00.000+08:00

Bones sinking like stones, All that we've fought for. All these places we've grown. All of us are done for. And we live in a beautiful world. Yeah we do, yeah we do. We live in a beautiful world. Oh all that I know. There's nothing here to run from. 'Cos yeah, everybody here's got somebody to lean on.

hello. you smell like something charming, and i think i'm going to fall in love with you...with your tendency to hide stuff behind daydreams, code cryptic messages behind nondescript words and all that escaping beneath my skirt.

just dont get close to dodgy guys who smell like fish. ok?

mukhsin

2007-01-27T17:10:00.000+08:00

JUST CLICK PLAY.
believe me its worth it.

---

tarikh lapan mac!
bagaimana wahai sahabat-sahabatku, milahtants sekalian? hajat kami untuk merantau buat kali kedua masih belum tercapai. apa kata kami jadikan the premier of this movie alasan untuk embark on another adventure! macam winnie the pooh. jom gi malaysia!

update: singapore won the match against malaysia a while ago. Kallang menjerit kepe?

too bad so sad.

2007-01-24T00:29:00.000+08:00

i don't know what i'm chasing.

i speak of schoolwork and the way it distresses me so wholly and completely until i'm so drained at times i speak without punctuations. but i cant blame circumstance for my nonchalance and excessive procrastination(s).

its my fault im so mediocre.
i wonder, you know, if after all this i just come out with a diploma in being a bigger asshole.

i bought a 1Kg tub of honey, but it has a funny aftertaste. there's a jar of nutella about the size of my face though...but today Diana took pictures of while I was presenting the Entrepeneurship project and I had a double chin flapping proudly.

ish. sick.

2007-01-22T23:19:00.000+08:00

huh, happy?

i dont have the time to be happy lah, ok.

serial addict

2007-01-21T02:22:00.000+08:00

"God, I wish there was a pill you could take to protect you from the hurt,"

Julie's started fucking, and Susan finds out that 1) she went to get the pill behind her back by getting Edie to pretend that shes Susan and 2) the guy Julie's fucking is also doing it with Danielle Van Der Tramp (Bree's daughter, John's ex). That line came from Susan when she was breaking the news to her daughter as Julie tried to convince her that she and Austin were in love.

Pfft.
Yah right.

sorry for the spoiler (oh please, as if you care about Desperate Housewives) but this one line to the outro for Ep 12 S3 brings up a point on my stand on the issue. There are the vices that help me forget, but they still drive me sick in the end. so why resort to that when i know better.
---------

no, its NOT ok. go make it alright instead of just pretending because we all know at the end of the day when it gets dark, and youre stuck in your own head - it will swallow you whole.
---------

It's so hard to watch prison scenes in Desperate Housewives when ive been religiously following Prison Break...because then i'd notice certain aspects of the set and how inconsistant certain things are.

Speaking of which, Prison Break is laden full of deus ex machinas. There's so many parts of the story that I get agitated by - but the characters are so vibrant I kind of lose track. Does anyone realise though that Wentworth Miller, for the love of god, cannot act? He has one (satu. uno. wahid. wundre! une! yi ger!) expression and perpetually speaks as if someone is licking his asscrack and he is enjoying it alot. Like the husky drawl of a hungry nymphomaniac.

I guess I seem to have a thing for dumb brutes, because Dominic Purcell gets me melting. 'nuff said.

T-Bag is reminiscent of Garland Greene (Steve 'Mr Pink' Buscemi's character in Con Air) and the sicker he gets, the fonder i am of him. I think its all about the southern accent and lip-licking. Such violently passionate misdirected anger, yum.

Oh no, I'm hopelessly hooked.
-bows head down in dismay-

2007-01-19T01:39:00.001+08:00

conversations at three a.m.

2007-01-18T02:50:00.000+08:00

[ Madah ] dreams of war dreams of liars dreams of Dragon's fire says:
sigh. fun
i want to go to a concert

ilham mat skudai belo says:
biler metallica datang kita pegi k sayang
with fash n khai

[ Madah ] dreams of war dreams of liars dreams of Dragon's fire says:
yes when they cooomeeee

ilham mat skudai belo says:
khai pi romen ngan fash
kita jgn romen k
nanti kita stir our friendship

[ Madah ] dreams of war dreams of liars dreams of Dragon's fire says:
and i romen with THIS khai
heheh
we each have our own khais
HAHA

ilham mat skudai belo says:
maybe we dont have to be sisters in law
we can just marry each other
it might not be legal in singapore
but i heard its legal in sengkang
-----------------

united states of ashek says:
wah speakin of char kway kan...

ilham mat skudai belo says:
apehal ngan char kway

united states of ashek says:
that muslim chinese stall at far east..kimek, smalam aku makan

ilham mat skudai belo says:
pat atas? sinaran or something

united states of ashek says:
ah ah. cahaya. SINARAN EH

ilham mat skudai belo says:
HAHAHAHHAHHAA

united states of ashek says:
SINARAN!!!
HAHAHAH!!
!siak ah kau
haha
lepak sialan.. mentari menyinari!! ohhhhh!!!!!!!!! yeaaaahhh uh uh uh uh

2007-01-14T21:26:00.000+08:00

i came home at 1730 after a four hour group meeting at Ang Mo Kio Community Library (most of it was spent going back and forth borrowing a lighter from a He/She at the counter) and up til now I have successfully procrastinated by:
1) eating half a tub of pistachios (why are they so addictive?)
2) installing Microsoft Expressions Web
3) frying up a kickass wok of char kway teow (minus the clams. ah sedih!)
4) talking to leman (he's been evading me... rarrr.)
5) re-organising the entire Bjork/Green Day/Radiohead discography

After this, I sumpah promise swear janji that I will
1) write up the overdue insight paper for Ops Management - on why local moviemakers are idealistic artists and we should all heed the call of commercialism and dump moneh moneh moneh into the telemovie industry.
2) finish up the Sales Promotion report for the Integrated Marcomm ICA
3) get started on ripping off other people's work and set up a website for the ICA stated above
4) draw up financial predictions and assumptions for Entrepeneurship

I think my groupmates have belacan up their asses because of the Muse situation. kancheong mau maintain ah. I know my responsibilities. Ini bukan kes duit beb, ni hal nafsu. mbekk.

alah sial ahhh

2007-01-13T00:44:00.000+08:00

Business Deal: Proposal Pitch

(pseudo)Legal Agreement inc. Loan Application

Collaterral (not actual picture)

Potential Hurdle

kau ilhamku

2007-01-13T00:09:00.000+08:00

"it aint pretty, after the show. it ain't pretty when the pretty leaves you with nowhere to go"

it's not about what they'd be mindfucked to buy. its not about the pretty things we'd want to mirror - its not about the beauty we want to (but can never) be. i dont want to sell anymore self depreciation...i dont want to market insecurity, manufacture plastic moldings of this is what you have to want to be.

i want to spread the love.

let's keep faith. i've endured and survived 3 semesters plus plus, albeit not too pristine. one more week of extensive headaches before the commencement of examination headrush (whoohoo) and then i'm free. or almost, which is better than nothing.

milahtants, we will be reunited soon.

2007-01-10T23:48:00.000+08:00

in loving memory.

2007-01-09T14:16:00.000+08:00

the kenduri this weekend is not going to be the mourning of a loss, but a celebration of the beauty of her grace. mak ngah's lived a life full of unconditional love, and i feel blessed that her strength has taught me alot about faith and hope.

everyone's crying but eventually, when the clouds start clearing, they remember the joy that she was and will always be.

2007-01-04T20:57:00.000+08:00

back to school, we are the leaders of it all so stop that... quit... all that...

--------
first day back and it's night classes again.
playing harry potter trivia in the midst of media research.

"What did Aunt Marge say to make Harry blow her up in the first place?"

She said , "Your mawder sooo fait.......!"
-----
i'm adding on a few more confessions to make.
-----
Ibu and adik have left for Ipoh. Whatever happens, I know life will move on. I wish it didnt have to come to this, but I'd rather heal all the suffering. I'd drop everything I have going on right now in a heartbeat but i've felt that helplesness the last time i went back - and it will confuse me even more.

i apologise to everyone for being a little distracted right now.

2007-01-04T00:55:00.000+08:00

i have a confession to make.
i googled her and this envy is escalating to borderline psychotic.

sick.
-------------
i can tell my best friend about my girly bits BUT NOT ABOUT MY TOES.

GOD FORBID, MY TOOOOOOOESSS!!!

twenty oh six - image intensive

2007-01-03T12:44:00.000+08:00

turning eighteen

the usual suspects

new faces

bloodline

mistakes

occupation

hair!

twenty oh seven
i'm tired.

2007-01-01T17:48:00.000+08:00

i spent the dawn of 2007 mindlessly wandering around clark quay...
and i shall now proceed to spend the New Year's day itself mindboggling everyone online who would bother to listen to me panicking about turning 19 this year.

Imagine that.
One more year 'til 20...and then no longer being a teenager. Right now i can afford to be irrational and ridiculous only to blame it on being young and stupid. Once i've gone past that age landmark, i'd have to cross out the young and be just plain stupid.

Alamak.
2006 remeniscions in a later entry, i've got school work to do.

2006-12-31T11:43:00.000+08:00

the sun had hardly risen this morning,
and i woke to "siap cepat,
pakai baju raya." Ibu dah mula nagging,
the day is having a bad start.

Then, woe of all curses
and ill of all ills..
came diarrhea for me to nurse -
damn these pocai pills!

Anak dara suka bergaya
tapi jambu macam katak,
bangun pagi hari raya
celaka dilanda berak-berak.
--------
I felt like a mirror got shoved in my face - so that was what I was like. What a waste of energy, it was such unnecessary devastation. Anyway, you (you know who you are) kept saying "Sorry Khai, I let you down" .. I hope you remember that moment of awesome embarrassment and learn from it, but even if you didnt I sure as hell did.

-----
Friday's chalet was brilliant.

while sitting in school during the holidays

2006-12-29T15:20:00.000+08:00

to do list.
- procrastinate
- want to stop procrastinating
- stall for some more time. twiddle thumbs.
- stop procrastinating.
- write lists about wanting to stop procrastinating
- procrastinate writing list.
- procrastinate some more.

procrastinate procreate masturbate
eh, wait.
late.
fate.
date.
mate.
cake. mmm cake.

2006-12-23T03:26:00.000+08:00

I'll laugh until my head comes off. I'll swallow till I burst. Until I burst. Until I...We're not scaremongering. This is really happening. Happening.
- Idioteque, Radiohead

Drama mau maintain eh, please.
(ps: short jet black hair. yew laiiiikee?)